I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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