I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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