Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
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That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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