His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
