its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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