Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
