This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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