i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
