i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize