were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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