i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
