so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
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She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
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i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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