I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
