I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
