Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
