They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
