Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize