There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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