god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
