This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
