I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
