I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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