ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
