you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
how drunk are you?
Several
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
