How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
