plz talk dirty to me
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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