I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
