I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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