The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
