is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I need water and some morals
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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