okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
