I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
