I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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