im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
