I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
