i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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