you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
