I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
