I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
