I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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