So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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