saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
