Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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