I think my fart just growled at me.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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