I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
