hotel room ftw
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
