She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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