I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
