I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
