i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
