I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
