Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
