So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Randomize
