Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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