A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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