Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My breasts were aching with rage.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
