it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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