Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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