Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
