yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
