I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he fucked my hip out of place.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
